...And to let go!

Flipping the pages of the year gone by,
I stumble across too many that catch my eye.
A year that has been a cocktail of emotions to say the least,
Of good times, of sorrow, of love and of grief.

Of pages with notes of love, Of pages of brutal mathematics,
Of pages where you just amused me, of pages of your crazy antics.
Of some pages that just withered away as time went by,
And some i could just rip off and still know I was right.

Of goals that I set out to meet,
Of a person that I wanted to be.
Of food and of places I never knew I'd go,
Of your hands in mine, of hearts, of bodies and of souls.

Of days I just woke up and crashed on the floor,
Of nights I could smile and sleep, I wish these were more.
Of the books I read and then some I wish I could read,
Of arguments I failed to settle, of sorry and of please.

Of smiles that I knew I could conjure for them,
Of tears that dried on their cheeks, of words full of haws and hems.
Of cheesecakes and coffee places, of grumpy faces and trial rooms,
Of empty lanes, Of crowded streets, Of talks of bliss and also of doom.

Of a place so new to me, yet so welcoming,
Of people so simple and yet so heartwarming.
Of tears I cried and those I brought to others too,
Of the smiles I soaked into and of jokes I could make a few.

Of office woes, of holiday blues, of double-deckers and candy crush,
Of frittatas and movies and superheroes and other such silly stuff.
Of those sad days and weeks and months, of my faults and of yours,
Of those fights I would rather avoid,  Of drifting away off course.

Of a thousand pictures, Of hundreds of moments, Of many kisses and hugs,
Of flashes, Of rides. Of warmth and of snug.
Of weekends I cherished, Of Mondays I'd rather stay buried,
Of songs we sang, and Of love we couldn't carry.

Of blank pages and star gazes, Of new faces and of new dreams...
Of a person I started the year with, of a person that ended it for me.
Of the small, the little and the tiniest happiness that I was dying to make my own...
Of the big, the largest and the hardest things I had to let go, I let them all go.

A beginning of the year so unknown to me. An end of the year so gloomy, so low...
A January that I'll always remember, A December I wish I could just let go.
A May that just went by, shook me and then changed everything,
An August of orchids and smiles I could only imagine.
A March that will always be missed and remembered...
An October I just wish had never occurred.

A year I hold on to so tight,
A year I wish I could just rewrite...
A year of pain, A year of love, A year of hurt and of dread.
2014 made me whole. 2014 broke me to shreds.

A new year now, same old me though,
With hopes to have learnt, with hopes to be better and to grow...
And I'll need you here with me, I always will,
To help me, To stand back up, To hold on to better things, and to let go!

If Life Could Go On...Just This Way!

If life could go on just this way,
Very few things I would never be able to change.
A vibe from the past we carry today,
Or even the good things that barely did stay.

Things like the oddly timed calls I've come to expect,
Or the fights that shatter my every breath.
All the moments and gestures that make my day,
Or words you struggle to genuinely say.
Nothing may ever change again,
If life could go on just this way.

But then life is not bound by scripts, they say.
No questions you ask can help ease the pain.
But when we understand and give up on the fight, 
And talk of every unspoken word from the previous night.
The If's and Why's become words that don't matter,
And You and I grow stronger together.

For, in a heartbeat, you know you are special.
But rhyming words don't always dazzle.
Funny how some things you hate always get to stay.
But most things in life we would never want to change,
You will always be loved and cared for, come what may.
If life could go on just this way! Our lives would go on just this way!!

No stranger...

A week long dull, of gloom and lull,
A coherent silence around...
Mounds of silt and flowers strewn,
And all I hear is the lonely hound.

Yes I've known, I've always known,
You've told me how it's gonna be.
And yet, in silence, i close my eyes,
Not to pray, no not now. Not to pray, but to see.

I walk down cold, I walk down slow,
I look ahead but stare into nowhere...
Is the road just as lost as this heart,
Or is it just dark? Or were you never there?

I sit in tears and  flip these pages now,
Contemplating if this would last...
With this gray sky, and an evening storm coming,
Will it rain, why would you even ask?

You are no stranger to me or my fears,
Nor to this silence, that I know you know so well...
I know I was never ideal to begin with,
But are you now distant? Would I ever know? Are you there? I can barely tell.

You've always mattered, you always will,
I don't know how this would end...
I wish you could see me for the good things, if any.
I wish you'd care for just once, care just enough to understand!