Of coffee, gloom and wait...

Staring through my window, as it rains through this summer night,
I think of things that i wait for ... through this night, through this  life.

Some small, some smaller, some distant, some closer,
Some i can touch, some i dream of... through the smiles, through the cries.

They say i look gloomy, as I sip my coffee, they say i look unlike me,
Maybe it's just one of those days... one of those days when i am me and no more i can be.

Life spelt with the letters that also make flies, flies away one day at a time,
I sit back and wait for the rain to start again... to cheer me up, to bring me to life.

Simple things that i wait for... simple things that i pray for... I wait for them to now bless me,
Through the darkness, gloom and the pain...I wait for a way to see the glow, the light that lights me.

For those moments and those songs... I wait for you and them and more.
Through the darkness, muddle and the rain... I wait for the coffee, the warmth and the smile...

The days of despair are here...days of sun and nights of rain...good days of life, though late... of coffee, gloom and wait!

So little that you wanted...So much that i wasn't.

Looking at it, as it is, seems vaguely strange, vaguely known...
Gray-on-gray circles of smoke, dark, dull, gloom and yet i see you home.
If it's just the hope, it's dying a slow death...
With you gone, i don't feel the rain, don't see the sun.

What took me so long to realize what i did, as i did, seems so not me, yet so me...
When all that mattered was your presence, you let me be, i set you free.
Every morning now, all i do is yell your name, it's so not me, yet so me...
I live with you, have always been, my distant tale, my only story.

I look upon ways to reach you, to be with you, seems so not me, yet so me...
But I'm just a ghost of this road, on my own, counting ways and days to be.
All i need is you, you may have forgotten, you may still know...
Wishing for an end to this road, the one that takes me to you.. or you to me

Never knew, it took so much to fake those smiles, so not me, yet so me...
Never knew, to live again, every once in a while, i had to act like i didn't care.
Yes every night as i walk home, my eyes just well up, and i stand back, aware.
I am with you, and you're with me, but so much so, it's just untrue.

Maybe tomorrow, i would just live on, being without you, but not the same me.
Or maybe all i'll ever need is you, all i'll ever want is you,
It seems so little that we'd hoped for, so much that we'd known.
And i fail to answer why but...
"Seems so little that you wanted, so much that i wasn't"

Rediscovery

Days are cold, nights just getting longer,
I wanna live of hope. God, make me stronger...
The wind that blows, seemingly blows not for me,
It pours down heavily, the rains though fall not for me...

It certainly is me, and me that knows,
I would'nt have been here, had you not been so close...
If i push you know, i'm pushing myself too,
I might just fall of the edge, but i'll still be true..

Brain's so full of things, it just aches to let go,
But then let go of what, let go of what, i don't know...
It's true i don't claim everything i do is what i want,
But then what i want, what i want, i don't know...

I'm fighting my own guts, fighting to stay afloat,
I'm just in so deep, no one sees me, no one knows...
I know i've wasted time,  it's a little hard to begin,
But i know it's gonna be me, i'll fight till the end...

Have not lost faith, not in me at all,
Confused i may have been, it's not gonna make me fall...
I'll face myself, my wrongs, my dark,
I'll not back down, not from myself, no i'll not...

This confused me has gotta go, i'll be stronger than myself,
I'll find my way back, i promise, just don't let the past swell...
Walk with me as i bleed, but don't try to cure my pain,
It's my road to rediscovery, it's my road, all the same !!!